let me out of this cheap B movie

long haitus

2011-01-11T23:21:00.002+08:00

it has been a long time since i ever updated this blog. i thought it would never happen though. but anyway i have this song stuck in my head at the moment. the weirdest song at the weirdest time of the year.

carol of the bells.

for me, it's a very unique xmas song composed by an ukrainian. i have yet found the nicest version of this song by various choir.

but anw, here it is.

starting of sem2

2010-01-20T20:59:00.002+08:00

it has been 2 weeks since the beginning of my yr1 sem2 and things are not looking good. so far i have only gone to ntu for 3 days, including today and attended lec for the first time today as well.

hhaha.what can i say. i'm kind of feeling high and delirious for some unknown reason. probably because my school week has already ended (self declared 2 free days) and my worries surrounding my curriculum, with the exchange prog to squeeze in, have driven me insane.

i had a fun day today in school. with all my classmates like lx, jy and my fave ding dong wang. seriously i don't know how my uni days would have been like without them to add a spritzer of insanity into my life. even though we don't really hang out much outside of school, life has been better with them.

and i'm seriously looking forward to my usa trip. i hope for the best, memorable experiences of my life be it good or bad.

i also really hope to be able to get into instep hkust with my friend for one of the sems. life will really rock then.

this is not a new year's resolution

2009-12-30T22:36:00.002+08:00

just got my sem results today. didn't do well. oh wells. pretty shows the importance of the amount of effort made.

my dream gpa of 4.5 seems so far. but i must get to it. i will work harder next year and the years to come, in order to make my dream come true.

this is NOT a new year's resolution. cause i know they are often broken. but hey, my resolution to not club again still stayed intact though. congrats to me. haha.

how i wish i'm born a mugger. even though i hate them. out of jealousy i guess. i can never have their determination. MUGGERS and M-WANNABES FTW

it still hurts

2009-12-11T01:08:00.002+08:00

a few mins ago, i heard my sis sniffing away in the studyroom. i felt really sad and useless because she asked me a simple question a moment before that which i failed to answer coherently. the answer that i wanted to give her and she wanted are so similar and simple. yet i can't open my big mouth to say it. wtf.

my heart ache for her like i can never imagine. i can't say i'm really that close to my sis. but she is afterall my blood sister who has played an important role in my life. i simply cannot imagine my life without her. due to the huge age gap, when people asked me how is it to have such an older sis, i simply replied 'it's as annoying as having another mum'. but deep in my heart, i can tell that no one, not even my mum, can replace her.

i often have trouble expressing my feelings. i'm also too egoistic to show my appreciation for her. and right now, she is feeling sad and i'm at lost as to how to console her.

i have never hated my low eq this much until now. i tend to act nonchalant to everything that's happening around me. not because i really don't care, but simply because i don't know how to show it. even though i act like i don't give a damn, it still hurts.

wheee... last paper

2009-12-02T23:21:00.004+08:00

last paper today. wahaha... i felt burden on my shoulder which i didn't know i had lifted. life is good again.

anyway, so after the paper, blah blah had plans to go out with the class... and as usual discussed for a looong time and soon turned out we would just have lunch.

then after that met deb karen and shuhui. many people are not invited because of uh hmmm... some reason. i wouldn't have turned up too if not for some fateful phonecall.

but long story short, enjoyed myself today. talked a lot of crap that i had stored up inside while i was in ntu. still doesn't feel right there. sighs. and i didn't realise how much i miss my friends till i finally met a few of them today. and we also made many plans for lunch bunch outings... woohoo.

turn out i'm not going to work afterall. nah...

oh yeah, i also met laurel and yijing finally today! at JP. oh my... how i miss them too. i got the feeling of nostalgia when we started talking again. what's life without reminiscence and something to pull us back to ground when we are flying too high. i have no idea.

as shown, i can't express myself coherently. so in short, tata~

puke

2009-11-28T20:54:00.001+08:00

you make me sick.

i'm getting sick of life. as it spirals down the abyss.

and i know what people may be thinking. i'm only 19. not even an adult yet. who am i to say that.

it's true. i'm too young to be lamenting about life. but i felt like i have seen enough of this world.

ironic and weird. i know.

rumours has it that the judgement day is coming in 2012. and i can't say that i'm dreading it.

but nah. i'm sure billions of people will be praying that it will not happen.

i look forward to the day when i have too much in my life to be able to give up my life anytime.

i look forward to the day when i have zest everyday in everything that i do.

i look forward to the day when i finally learn to appreciate every smidgen of my life.

i look forward to the day when i'm enjoying too much.

i look forward to the day when i can look back at this moment and this post, laugh at myself for what a fool am i to get sick of life when mine has not even started.

queen saves the day

2009-11-07T18:39:00.002+08:00

listening to queen today. 'i'm just a poor boy. nobody loves me. he's just a poor boy. from a poor family... bismillah!'

nostalgia~ the feeling of jc days just came racing back in my mind. 'don't stop me now!'

feeling kinda high. which explains my incoherence. i think i shld go make myself a drink to celebrate this moment.

'she spoke just a baronette...dynamite with a laser beam. guaranteed to blow your mind.'

tata~

stupid me

2009-10-28T18:24:00.006+08:00

my memory has been weakening for some reason. i constantly forget this and that everyday - annoying. and i did the stupidest thing last week - i lost my gc.

omg. what a retard. after dropping my gc twice during the lesson, i got annoyed and decided to place it on the table next to mine; so that i would not drop it again. yeah right. i didn't drop it ever again; i totally just left it there and it was forever missing from my life.

argh. my poor gc. the thing which i spent 150 bucks on. the essential techno-innovation which i feel lost without. now i have to waste extra time fiddling with the stupid normal inefficient calculator which lacks many quintessential applications.

and god. stupid me. wth is wrong with me these days i will never know.

oh yeah. some great news to announce - i have decided to move out of ntu hostel at the end of this sem. i already feel like moving out of it right now. i'd rather spend quality time at home feeling clean and comfortable at the expense of my travelling time. actually, the long travelling time felt shortened when i do my studying then.

haha. and i'm back from macau. it's a great trip. the shopping and seafood at zhuhai was fantabulous. god. cost of living in china is cheeeaaap.

one of the famous casinos at macau, owned by one of the daughters of Stanley Ho.

the macau tower which claims to have the highest bungee jump. i don't know if it's true. but the frking jump is frking ex -S$400!!! if only someone will sponsor me.

mr cool.

the famous da san ba.

view from the da san ba stairs on the town area

the place where Stanley Ho resides with his family currently. all the rich and powerful in macau lives here.

the venetian - beautiful replica of the venice city with stunningly live-like blue sky ceiling. great place to shop too, if all you have is money.

random surreal looking serene alley - perfect setting for romantic walks at night.

vintage road signs which strongly show the Portuguese colonial history.

the famous ah ma temple across the dork which protuguese traders first set foot upon, giving its name - macau

saw famous hongkong actors at the a-ma temple in their shooting.

the police at macau. quite cool looking.

zai

2009-10-17T18:05:00.001+08:00

i'm zai-ing at home again. rotting and doing nothing. not that i have nothing to do. i have ton of things to do. but just reluctant to start the ball rolling. oh wells. argh.

life sucks.

school day

2009-10-09T01:10:00.002+08:00

today is supposed to be a free and relaxing day after the completion of the stupid lab formal report.

in the end, i got tired and stressed out during the 3 hr lab session. argh. talk about having to crap about some shit you have no idea about from a bunch of data points. interesting? yeah, if you are crazy.

i tried asking the lab prof(?) regarding the lab discussion questions but the answers that i got are... the feeling is hard to describe, you will only understand me if you have asked any professors any specific question, hoping to get some exact specific answer.

life's full of crap i tell you.

so anyway, i had to stay back to finish my work, missed half of the econs lec which is unproductive as well due to poorly produced lec notes.

despite all the stress i have undergone for the lab, everyone including me copied answers from one another in the end. it's like having a cluster of photocopiers. and i seriously have no idea what i'm writing, it seems all kinds of symbols to me.

very useful. i wonder what do the dean expect us to learn from lab.

anyway, now i'm in my room. feeling very bored althoough i know i have things to do. i have work to prepare for next week. and i need to do them now before the weekend. argh. temptation to just slack off is very great.

and i'm feeling damn hungry now. i wanted to say i can even eat a cow now (you know, like the saying) but i realise i cannot eat beef, so will be, technically speaking, taboo to think of such an idea right. so anyway. it will just stay as it is.

i'm DAMN HUNgry

pissed

2009-10-04T12:21:00.004+08:00

i'm getting pissed and at the same time i can only thank god for the few group work that i have to do for engineering yet.

maybe it's just me, my conceit, my ego. but man... i just don't know what to say about others. i hate myself for thinking this way, but i cannot help it. much failure and incompetence is also due to my inefficiency.

i'm being a bitch, i know.

at the same time i would like to thank people who have helped me in one way or another. yv for her photoshoping, my senior for his report, bobo for listening to my rant and so on.

okay i think i should get back to my business before i really kill someone.

we, the local group, must unite!

2009-10-03T18:19:00.003+08:00

yest my friends and i went to send off the last uk member from our lunch bunch at T1. sadness began to creep in as we realise the diminishing lunch bunch.

ok lah. sadness only began to creep in now, for me. i'm always half or one beat slower than the rest in terms of emotions.

but anyway, i notice that i never really felt sad that our some of my friends are off to uk. instead the idea excites me. i only felt a tad sad when i see my friends hugging their parents for the last time before departing. that's when you witness the close parent-child bond come to live in front of your eyes despite what the friend may always talk (bad stuff and complaints) behind her parents' backs.

but anyway, deb, yv and i had dinner together just before sending hannah off. we had great talk and laughs together which i missed a great great deal for a long long time. that's the time when i can let all my shields down and just enjoy my friends' company. even though our talk isn't really HTHT, oh wells, we still had fun. i finally can be my true gross self. haha... like what i said. to keep all my grossness inside is indeed very gross.

finally only the locals are left in singapore in the lunch bunch. like what shuhui always say before she starts sobbing again at every sending off, 'we must all stick together okay'. hehe. aiyar. i'm not laughing at you, shuhui. =D

oh yeah. before i forget, i declare 'turning back twice to wave after checking in' IS a CLASSIC.

nothing better to do

2009-10-01T14:17:00.002+08:00

random shot of some soup i had at tao restaurant served uniquely in some japanese teapot:

frankly speaking i don't know what's so ncie about the food there. i don't really find the standard of the food worthy of the price (which is quite reasonable actually thinking about it for er... 7(?) course meal). and i definitely will not go back again.

the highlight of the soup for me - a piece of pretty japanese fish cake inside it:

on the train on our way back from sending liying off:

i think the people sitting opposite us judged us a little. but oh wells. who cares. we are just getting a bit high.

my favourite shot of the month - transformer!!! (made from breadtalk which i hate):

i don't even know why so many sporeans like breadtalk in the first place. i'd rather spend a few cents more to buy more edible bread from yamazaki or some other bakery.

the ugly truth

2009-09-28T21:53:00.002+08:00

i suddenly came to a realisation that maybe nothing is pure in its intentions in this world.

even a simple relationship could be initiated with the certain motivation and may forever be founded and dependent on one ugly disgusting relation of benefit derivation. once the need is no longer, so is the relationship.

but i'm happy to live in my self denial that not all relationships are like that. like how my mum always say, people whom you know and make long lasting friends with must be treasured and cherished like how you all are fated to forge this deep setting relationship in your lives. it's a blessing how, out of billion people in this whole world, you manage to meet and get to know them not to mention, having part of them in your life.

hope that nothing will break this glass shielding because if it does, things will get really ugly.

bye friends and see you all next year soon

2009-09-21T13:18:00.005+08:00

yest we went to send off liuhui who is going to ucl. we took quite a bit of photos... mostly because there wasn't much to do there. i mean we can't hog liuhui for the whole time right.

and i feel almost awkward when everyone was getting emotional near the end. i wasn't really feeling sad because she will be coming back during her summer breaks. and thanks to the advance technology, we can still skype with her over the vast ocean between the continents(?). though no one has given me any convincing reason why ppl overseas always switch to skype instead of sticking to msn.

instead i really felt happy and excited for her and her new journey that she will be embarking on soon.that's her dream and wish to go overseas to study. it's a privilege that not everyone can afford. i mean i know that i wil die if it was me, given my antisocial personality. but i'm quite confident that she will manage well by herself. despite our bickering and my constant insults (they are just jests, alright?), i'm really proud of her and all my dear friends who have come this far to achieve what they have now.

my only slightest worry is her possible short period of inadaptablility at the start when she's there, feeling homesick no doubt. but i guess she will soon congregate with the asians (er... s'poreans? but i doubt she will want to associate with them much. haha.) there and cook up feasts of asian dishes in the memory of their hometowns. (i heard this is what they do. correct me if i'm wrong.)

and liuhui if you happen to read this blog entry(i seriously doubt you do, it will be a MIRACLE then), please keep the cat earrings safe... knowing your messiness, i am almost quite sure that they will be flung to some corner in your room. haha.

i only felt a tad emotional when i saw liuhui's mum tearing. i can almost understand and feel her heartache as her only child goes off somewhere far off almost at the other end of the world to venture, with 13 hrs of flight in between them. her worry as her only daughter leaves the safety of her palm with unseen obstacles that she has to face for herself.

as liuhui checked in, we watched her figure becoming smaller and blurrer as she walked further and further to board her plane. she turned back twice to wave back to us and finally walking straight ahead without turning back.

that will be another 9 months before we see each other again.

anyway last but not least, i just want to say that i'm really really proud of all my dear beloved friends who are going to venture their own way, especially those who are going overseas, leaving the safety and familiarity of their hometowns.

we must all jiayou!

photos time

2009-09-13T21:16:00.007+08:00

blog entry - 12 sep
be warned: incoherence language ahead

went cycling yest with xj, had serious sunburn.

went to eat steamboat today(it's fantastic btw, i insist it's the best ever, way better than coca... interested people pls pm me for the address), had express manicure, bought a small tube of aloe vera gel(which is fuckingly expensive), took cab back. in conclusion, spent a fortune. but it's enjoyable!

so anyway, i have nothing to say and i don't think anybody is interested as well. so here are some photos to share with you guys, my favourite photos of the month:

my first manicure by a professional, ruined by my fugly hand. -.- oh wells

extra bday present from deb (so sweet) sewn by her

siaozabo and her not very sane friend

my part piece of 3d drawing (perspective they say) for my lab. i only realised the vertical lines are not very parallel and looked kind of screwed after i submited. -.-

programming.this is not me trying to be funny i swear. they really told us to do this in the tutorial.

my favourite dog SUMO. how much cuter can he get.

a message to myself 2

2009-08-19T20:48:00.001+08:00

yishuang, i judge you.

you better stop this kind of wimpish behaviour.

pull up your socks and stop dwelling in your self-pity!

ntu

2009-08-14T18:53:00.001+08:00

i finally feel fine enough to blog about ntu, one that's not angsty or depressed. but that does not mean that i have made any friends there.

nonetheless one thing is for sure, ntu is situated at some 'niao bu la shi, ji bu shen dan' place. for those people who do not understand chinese, it means that the place is so ulu that birds do not shit and chickens do not lay eggs there - a direct translation.

what's more, it's a BIG mountain. who says s'pore does not have mountain. ntu is just situated on one, man. i spend my mornings climbing up to get to the library and my lecture hall. i also can't be bothered to figure out which shuttle bus to take because it will kill too many of my brain cells. so i'm walking. just think of it as a daily workout, hahha, combined with my nonexistent appetite for food, i think i'm getting healthier with thinner layer of blubber on me.

anyway, so far i have attended every single lecture. haha. i'm so proud of myself. since i'm all alone and introductory lectures are mostly useless, temptation to pon one of them is great. but i overcame it. muahahaha. so i went to lectures alone, thus can concentrate better and doze off with little interruption as well.

anyway, lectures have been reasonably boring. lecturers try to be funny sometimes, but you know the nature of humour of the PhD holders and professors - weird.

during math lecture, the professor spent 20 minutes playing with the clicker. 5 minutes spent on 'unhanging' the computer due to complications from the clicker program. great.

by the way, i still have not found any random person who is taking ENE. does the program even exist or is it all in my mind.

loneliness

2009-08-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

human beings are by nature sociable creatures who thrive living in a community, making something great happen.

the irony? certain people, who are afraid to be alone, dread being in a crowd even more.

the reason? being in a crowd will make them feel even lonelier amongst the laughter and talking

and i'm one of them.

a message to myself

2009-08-10T09:49:00.000+08:00

you are going to be alright in school.

everything is going to work out.

jiayou!

hypocrite much?

2009-07-05T17:11:00.004+08:00

i have this hidden fear and worry all along: i may be turning into what i hate the most - a hypocrite

i try my best to stick to my principles (erm. can't name them right now. but i THINK i have a few. mostly weird ones). but as i grow older, i realise things are not always that simple. the difference in a small factor can tweak the situation 180 degress around.

haha. i mean i don't even know if i mean half the things that i say these days. i know that i'm cold and heartless compared to many youngsters around me. it's true. i tend to be nonchalant towards many things. and i care very little. there is conflict between showing what i actually feel towards and acting to show sympathy blah blah - the emotions that normal people should have.

for instance, unfortunate plight of people. i don't sympathise with everyone in bad situations. i can't be bothered to and it's just outside my limits. it will actually have to depend on whether i feel it's a 'you asked for it' or 'life really sucks' kind of situation.

i mean if i don't really feel bad for that particular person, how am i suppose to react? saying "that's sad" in a totally 'i heck care' kind of tone? i don't even bother to act half the time, only in times when i feel it's better and more diplomatic to show some humane emotions and response. to become this caring persona that's totally not me.

as i'm reading what i'm writing now, i realise i'm really sort of a hypocritical bitch. argh. and this is one of the reasons why i hate myself.

life...

不说不代表不知道

2009-06-26T01:12:00.007+08:00

不说不代表不知道.
不乞求不代表不想要.

i read this somewhere and this quote immediately made its permament mark in my mind.

words often only contribute to a small part of the message delivered. whereas other people prefer to hide their innermost desires to protect their hollow hearts.

stories behind each photo

2009-06-25T22:46:00.006+08:00

i'm kind of bored right now. i have nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing to eat, nothing interesting to look at... btw i don't understand wtf my mum has to start storing all my novels in enclosed boxes way before we actually move to the new house. a tad irritated.

argh, but anw, in my quiet desperation to find stuff to do, i suddenly remembered a picture which haunted me and a lot more other people. the picture that won Kevin Carter the Pulitzer Prize in 1994:

depicting of the famine in sudan - vulture preying on a bone-thin baby girl as she struggled to make her way to the feeding centre.

fate of the baby girl is unknown. all kevin carter can do at that point of time is to drive away the vulture and watch her continue her struggle.

this photo struck a cord in everyone who sees it, forcing them to sympathise with the situation in sudan, somewhere so far, yet so near. it's a great accomplishment to able to hold the hearts of modern people who have been too preoccupied with their contemporary, materialistic lifestyle. yet this photo does not bode well for everyone. Kevin Carter commited suicide shortly after his award due to depression from a combination of different factors.

this struck me to think about how stories are being told in every photo and what actually goes on behind the scene. for a photo to be able to produce such a loud thump in people's hearts so distant from the situation, i can't imagine the magnification of the effect of the image on the photographer himself during his photographing. photography is not only about improvement of technique but also psychological struggle as the photographer has to be mentally strong to produce a mind-raging image, ready to tell the whole world a neglected story.

i sincerely hope that people will still keep this image and many others like the Afghan girl in their minds to remind them of the the less fortunate people in the world. and maybe start doing something for them. i know i will.

We don't want war- can't take no more
It's drastic time for sure
We need an antidote and a cure
Coz do you really think Mohammed got a problem with Jehovah
We don't want war ?imagine if any prophet was alive
In current days amongst you and I
You think they'd view life like you and I do
Or would they sit and contemplate on why
Do we live this way, act and behave this way
We still live in primitive today
Coz the peace in the destination of war can't be the way
There's no way, so people just be a woman, be a man
Realize that you can't change the world by changing yourself
And understand that we're all just the same
So when I count to three let's change

(taken from Union by BEP)

everything starts with the individuals

the effect of testosterone on a bunch of ... &*^($^@(^ girls

2009-06-18T21:47:00.004+08:00

i'm super irritated and disgusted today in the office today. i was totally overwhelmed by the huge crowd in my office first thing in the morning due to the influx of new temp staff who will soon replace my fellow coworkers and i (haha. yeah right. like they can ever.)

i was feeling damn tired and having PWS (pre-work syndrome) and as usual was late for work. when i opened the door to my office (actually can't really call it office. it's not even a cubicle. what kind of fricking work area is this -.-), i was suddenly surrounded and drowning in a pool of strange homosapiens whom i haven't seen in my entire life. in addition, one of these fricking people occupied my seat. argh. what kind of shit is this. who is actually the one who can do productive things today. but, luckily, one of the supe decided to be 'zi dong' and move some of their temp staff somewhere to make space for us.

anyway, after a few months of having the big area to myself and my colleagues, we now have to share with a bunch of heavily-breathing and not-very-small-sized human beings. i feel damn irritated by the constant buzzing in the work area, the increase in temperature (due to body heat), limited work area and competition of the numerous lungs for oxygen.

and the worst thing is, my brain stopped working after the long break. which is technically my fault. but anyway, so i cannot get any of the things done.

that's not all.

there is an increasing trend of the volume of this constant buzz in the office with occasional laughter and giggling from the bitches during their luring of the prey into their fricking cannabalic mouths. bitches in heat seriously. that's what testosterone do to these creatures, *coughs* i mean people. omg. have they never seen boys, men, males(?) before. coming onto them like that. trying to attract attention of the XY-chromo by acting les... hugging each other... acting like they are spineless (maybe they are not even acting). wtf. and what kind of world is this. i was horrified by the degrading behaviour of certain bitches. talk about self-respect!!! they are the reason why some MCP think that all XX-chromo are sluts.

so in conclusion, i'm damn pissed. in addition i had my huge bout of pms and fatigue at the end of the day. the delay and photo-taking did not help (not that i'm complaining). sighs. it's just one of my lowest days.

btw, i can really sense my level of English proficiency dropping. argh. i will post the photos later.

sugar rush

2009-06-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

WHEEEEE.... i'm damn high now from my sugar rush after my annual dinner!!!

guess what i had??

my FAVE - Orh-Ni!!!!! (yam paste) it's fricking nice...

gooey sweetness with little yam fibre. omgggg.... hahaha...

and i don't care how fattening it is. i had it only once a year anyway...

wahaha... and i had 3 servings!!! at the courtesy of those people who are kind enough to reject the dessert because of their own personal reasons... (i swear i did not put them up to it.)

LIFE ROCKS!!!

photos:

i'm too cold hearted?

2009-05-31T20:09:00.004+08:00

something unfortunate has happened to one of my relatives and shockingly, my reaction to the news was 'really? oh. ok.' which was very typical of me. but still, i suspect something might be wrong with me. am i too cynical about life, too self-absorbed to care about others, too nonchalant about things happening around me?

i only realised my unresponsiveness when i heard other people's response to the new piece of information. i can still rmb clearly the thoughts in my head when my mum exclaimed in dismay. 'oh wells. this has to happen sooner or later. might as well happen sooner before things get worse.' and pity for my aunt just came to me.

for me, this event may just be the turning point in his life which is very much needed for him to survive in this society. i can almost understand that this event for him may be the one that sends his life crashing and one that he can never forget.

i just can't help but looking at things from the more objective angle - just hoping that he will really gain something from this experience and become a stronger and more mature person than before. i don't know what to feel or say to him. we haven't been close at all and words from an near total stranger are almost imappropriate.

perhaps i'm just too cold-blooded... i don't know. and neither can i explain this change in behaviour.

but anyway sadness aside.

photos time!

family-size pizza at pepperoni. it's fricking delicious.

guess where are these taken...

my dear friend

2009-05-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

my dear friend,

i'm not too sure if you will be reading this but in any case, i'm just using this opportunity to express my feelings.

things like this have happened before and i know will happen again and again. i have already done my best to help or whatsoever. i somehow see a pattern - a friend in need is a friend indeed. initiatives to communicate from you are almost always due to your distress (from whatever problem). and again, i did my best to help you in whatever way.

and the most interesting part is, when the problem is gone (as i observe), initiatives to communicate simply stop. correct me if i'm wrong. but before you do, i advise you to think really hard. i think this pattern is simply too familiar.

anyway, i have again tried to revive (too dramatic?) our friendship but attempts in vain. i have already tried. so erm... (how should i put it) but you get what i mean.

so here it is. my opinion. end of my ranting session. yay.

muahaha. i shall blog about happier things later.

QUUEEENN!!!

2009-05-21T23:55:00.003+08:00

BRIAN MAY & ROGER TAYLOR ARE ON AMERICAN IDOL!!!

OMG... Life rocks for me now...oficially...

and i'm on the HIGH...

WAHAHAHHA...

and today's episode is the first AI ep that i have watched since 47937512574389 days ago.

i'm so glad i didn't miss the s'pore telecast because i get to watch the clear version of their performance.

and i haven't been so thankful for the invention of tv.

okay, still on ecstacy... WHEEEE

university... brrrh...

2009-05-13T21:32:00.006+08:00

sorry for the long delay. and no, my life hasn't been hectic or whatsoever. just that i have been trying to live in my own little world where no exams, competition, and reality exist. and now it's time for the verdict - it's high time for me to work hard and put my best into my studies.

it is easy to talk about it now when i haven't touched anything intellectual for half a year, or even longer since i didn't study much for alvls. and serve me right... oh wells.

but anyway, i have made my decision and it's kind of final (i think) - i'm going to ntu environmental engineering.

and right now, i haven't found anyone else who is also going. actually, i can barely find anyone who is going to ntu. what's wrong with the world, or rather, what's wrong with the young adults in s'pore. why is everybody going to nus. grrr. life sucks. Big time.

i'm having panic attacks here and there, every now and then. about the orientation, making new friends (which is impt since i barely have any existing ones in ntu), making accommodation arrangements (like finding a room mate. argh), buying laptop, buying new hp and mp3, blah blah... it's like sec 1 all over again. oh dear. since i'm in the IP and never really had the pressure to make new friends in jc because i see my whole cohort again there. i have already forgotten the rules and basic etiquette of meeting new people and making new friends.

and right now, as i'm trying to blog coherently here. a new fear just *popped out*.

my english language is going to suffer a horrible death during the uni years. oh no. it took me six years to push my eng to the standard today (which is still kind of low actually), and the next four years will just push it slowly over the edge of the cliff before it plunged into its death finally in the end.

the abovementioned illustration is literally what i can imagine now. argh. slow and painfully frightening.

anyway, back to my original fears of the uni year as a freshman. i hate making new friends. argh. and having a low level of eq, i think i will pretty much piss everyone off on my first day. trying to make new friends also means that i can't be my bitchy self for quite a long time - not goot. i have to make friends with the seniors so that i can have a reliable and constant source of uni information and gossip, meaning i'd probably have to suck up to them - that's even worse.

next, my hostel room mate. i can't find any - that's bad enough. my friends and sis keep telling me horrible stories of disgusting room mates who make the hostel stay Hell - that's cherry on top of the icing. oh noooo...

but anyway, my sis also told me stories about how people (teekos) peeped in the girls' showerroom. haha... that kind of amused me actually. i seriously pity anyone who chose to peep on me. they will get the biggest trauma of their life. and maybe also get their one and only rustic castration surgery by an engineering undergrad in their whole life.

oh wells. life, again... i guess i will just have to take the things as they come then. and STOP WORRYING. ok. now the photos for the week:

SUMO!

our little leggish puzzle

my Mothers' Day present!

to my puff-love mum:

(actually the puffs are supposed to form a ring which gives its name - paris brest)

urbandictionary

2009-04-26T15:42:00.006+08:00

i found a really fun and interesting activity to do when you are:

1) bored as hell (though i don't know if hell is boring, don't want to either)

2) sad

3) lame

4) the biggest loser in the entire world

5) angry

the activity is to search for your name or your foe's name in urbandictionary.com.

haha. it's really funny how people will add their own definitions of certain names.

For example, when i search for shane:

1. Shane 524 up, 101 down
A word derived from a Greek "San" one of three of the modern day symbols considered obsolete in the Greek language. The name was given to the children of those who were considered "criminally genius". Also considered to be one of the few names that can effect the owner's personality over their lifetime in a aesthetically pleasing but deeply malicious way. Perceived by the Romans to be the only name "combining good and evil to create balance and perfection."
"Shane... it flows off the tongue like silk."
"When you scream "Shane!" it vibrates your body right down the middle... wow try it."
shane shaner shanes houdini mantastic
by Shizzle M. Jan 19, 2007 share this
2. Shane 283 up, 87 down
another term for "sexy beast"
Omg, I can't breathe! I think a shane just walked by.
sexy beast term for another
by NiniComiPoopi Jul 24, 2008 share this
3. Shane 254 up, 91 down
An English derivitive of the irish name sean, which is an Irish form of John meaning "God's gracious gift."

Shane is a very popular variant of the name Sean in Northern Ireland in memory of Shane O'Neill whose forces won notable victories over the armies of Queen Elizabeth 1st in the sixteenth century.
his name is Shane

Shane is God's gracious gift
shane sean shame shaun seamus
by sod1234 Aug 25, 2007 share this

this comes up. the first definition is still acceptable as i remember reading something like that on the webpage for babies' names. (haha... like hell yeah, why will i be doing that... what a loser. yup, that's who i am)

the second definition is funny. a sex beast huh? wth. hahha. as flattering as that can be for me, it makes me wonder what kind of person can NiniComiPoopi be:

1) surprise surprise, his real name is actually shane too (some loser trying to boost his ego by defining himself as that on urbandictionary? not so cool anymore...)

2) she/he is crazy and obsessed about someone named shane (yeah, like who wouldn't be?)

these two main possibilities i guess. and the even more interesting part, notice the 283 thumbs up and the 87 thumbs down? start thinking about how did the numbers even escalate in the first place then.

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to insult anyone by insinuating what a bunch of losers these people are. i'm just saying it's a good activity to do when you need laugh gags or outlet for your anger. i'm not judging at all.

haha... so everyone should start searching and maybe even start adding new meanings to their own or other people's (such as the bitches around you) names as well. before i forgot to mention, no use searching for your chinese names because they probably aren't even defined yet. the good thing, though, is you can be the first to do it.

to yvette: i'm glad that this cheers you up. get well soon.

ps: interesting names to search for - yvette, lawrence (no offence)

photos for next week then:

the flying ...

reminds me of 'graveyard of the fireflies'

interesting...

taking up new activities and ending others

2009-04-24T22:57:00.005+08:00

life has been pretty boring and mundane as usual. work has been a bitch with the supervisor's steel eyes on me every now and then; with me finding every chance to slack and steal more time for lunch; with me going to work approx 15 mins late everyday and trying to sneak in surrepticiously (?) into the office through the back door so that *she* won't notice.

haha... fun... i wouldn't be too surprised if i'm sacked someday... happy even. but, oh wait, they still need us to do the sk* in the understaffed department.

anyway, i recently started a new activity - learning taekwondo from scratch. haha. it's pretty fun actually. although i kind of wish that the training could be more strenous. learning taekwondo amongst numerous small little kids with 'weird' thinking is simply interesting, kind of nostalgic as i return to my childhood social circle of 'ren xiao gui da's

but right now i can't really understand their thinking and their concept of funny. is that something to be happy about because i'm maturing or sad because i'm losing my innocence and naivety. but i think i know why there are generation gap and misunderstood kids who think adults are too stupid and snobbish to understand them.

i'm starting from white belt... which is simply... a hard feeling to describe. as i watch late teenagers my age being assistant teachers and giving the class, including me, instructions to follow. since the class was filled majority with young kids, i can't help but feel insulted when i was being talked to like a child as the assis tchers my age instruct the class. but what's one to do. i was the one who decided to take up twd at such a late age.

oh yah, my intro class to french to going to end soon, with a test next week to end off the course with a boom. and my french is still very canto. cute...

i'm also trying to push myself to bake... before i move into the new house with the teeny weeny kitchen which probably could not even fit in an oven. argh.

anyway, photos for the week(s):

Breaking dawn looks extremely pretty with the moon and star sparkling opposite the sun.

Making my strawberry swissroll

ok i will leave the others for the following weeks. haha

* ps for those who don't understand my lingo: sk = saikang - shitty work, crap, load of shit

back again without the angst

2009-04-05T16:16:00.004+08:00

comment ca va, everyone. i'm back again to haunt.... but without the angst. surprise surprise.

the whole issue with my mum is subdued to sleep. well. she IS my mum. what can i do. just live with it man. i owed her years of my well upbringing (i insist). into a much stronger person than other people i supposed. with her favourite line of 'you are on your own'. and leaving me there to die...

haha. but nah... i survived. with the help of my sisters. that's what big sis are for right?

but anyway, in the midst of the quarrelling and chaos and animosity, my life goes on as per normal actually. waking up early to go to work. trying my best not to sleep during work. busy pretending to be busy during work. finding chances to slack during work. and avoid being kana by supervisors during work.

what's more. my supervisors are a bunch of anal bitches. yes. bitches. all of them. but i supposed if i'm in charge of a bunch of childish, irresponsible temp staff, i would be, too, anal and a bitch, probably a bigger one than all of them combined. muahahaha... so i would really pity anyone who is going to come under my claws in the future. (btw, is it me or did my last sentence sound a tad obscene?)

anyway, i have been trying to learn french. and man, that's one hard language to pick up. practically a bitch. and i still can't get rid of my s'porean accent. ahhhhh. my sis is still laughing at my s'porean mixed french when i'm practising it at home. she says it sounds more like cantonese than french. i wonder how is that ever possible but apparently, it is possible for me. what an insult. although i have to agree my french is alot to take. argh. so i have decided to immerse myself in french films to aid in my learning. je suis etudiante le francais afterall... i hope that sounds correct. but oh well. french is a very troublesome language. all the gender and shit.

btw, why is balle feminine? i mean... it should be masculine right? funny...

and my anglais has deteoriated... badly. my vocab has diminished to that of a small little ant. assuming they do at least think in english. so i'm also forcing myself to read the word of the day from dictionary.com too.

ah. the sat days. and the reading of vocab list. so nostalgic. and nauseating.

i also would like to apologise for the loose and probably wrong use of french here and there. just trying to learn... regrette.

anyway, photos of the day and past days:

berating finally stopped

2009-03-09T23:29:00.003+08:00

my mother's berating finally stopped. and guess what stopped her - a kind reminder from me that i'm still a human and can happily jump off the building when my limit is reached. haha. how sad is it. that it takes the threat of death of her offspring to finally get a mother to shut her gap.

perhaps partially because i'm not a good daughter... i'm not even close to being a useful member of the society.

then after that she consoled me. haha. and guess what. i could not be bothered. she can just stay her annoying self forever and i would not bat an eyelid.

and why. i guess after some time you just get numb to her BS. and i therefore blog to remind myself of this moment forever. that i won't care about her. perhaps i will fulfill my duty as a daughter. but only because i have to.

may lightning strike me if god ever see the need to. i don't care.

scarecrow in disguise

2009-03-09T18:45:00.002+08:00

alevel results are out. the judgement day has come and i'm going to hell. and staying there forever. in my mother's pov at least.

i have to admit that i kind of deserve this bad as shit results judging by the amount of effort i have put in. and it has made me feel worthless. undeserving to be still living.

i don't understand my mother at all. she doesnt like it when im depressed. and when im no longer sad, she say all the crappiest things to make me feel even more worthless than an ant or any form of bacteria. i really have this urge to end my life, not because of my bad results, just so to make her life worse than death, living with guilt at every inch of her life.

haha. you may say it's totally not worth it. but to me now, it somehow does.

i really have had enough of her. haha. and my friends say i should open up more to people and stop suppressing everything inside. but from my experience, the more you open up, the weaker and more worthless you feel, especially when the person you open up to is someone like my mother.

after nearly two weeks of total abandonment

2009-02-27T20:25:00.002+08:00

i finally blogged. i never thought that i will return this this webpage to write again but i did. yay for me. hahaha... so far life has been uneventful... with occasional pms bitch fits and er...some other fits that the other people totally deserved... so not my problem. but i have to admit the pms bitch fits were majority of my fault.

so i worked every weekday... and rested at home during the weekends... with several mishaps which i can't even be bothered to recount again. because they were too trivial, childish, and repetitive. com'on. at least do something new to irritate me with.

i noticed too that on normal days under normal circumstances, my behaviour has been subdued and matured throughout these years. haha... if my mild down temper is already like this, imagine the past. wow... oh well... i never said i'm a likeable person in the first place. so like me or hate me. and that, frankly speaking, is not anywhere near my area of concern.

these changes in my behaviour just occurred naturally i guess. i realised that nothing and no one in this world is worth being angry over. frankly it's just a waste of energy that's all. might as well use it for something more useful. even sitting down and stoning gains greater satisfaction.

i have also been trying to see where exactly is my line of acceptance. cross past that line and i wash my hands off whatever the shit is. but so far... no one has crossed it yet i think.

oh well... that's life. that's one of my weird principles i impose on myself. haha. and that's pretty boring... considering no one in this world is even interested in the shit i was crapping anyway.

i shall post the photos of the post later as i have promised to do to every single post in the future.

hi hi from liuhui's house

2009-02-15T15:28:00.002+08:00

i'm bored... at liuhui's house. that stupid woman does not have anything to do at her house. AT ALL. and currently, liuhui and debbie are playing the stupid piano. hmphf... so what if you can play piano. and lh is also singing... no wait. trying to sing at the top of her voice. if that can be anything higher. haha... so fun indeed.

and debbie still continues playing the damn piano after talking to her ah hem... friend on the phone for like.... a few hours after we reach lh's house. DAMN HER. and... the two 'experts' are trying to combine two songs at one go... with little to achieve... 'frosty the snowman' and 'merry xmas, mr lawrence'.... and they are also trying to 'steal' the keys to override each other. again. fun. and they are still not stopping. what a bunch of $&*$@^...

anyway... utterly fun at lh's house. and the crazy bitch is laughing beside me now like... the ghost from juon. enough said.

ps: i hope the piano will just break. =)

cny and work

2009-02-01T13:43:00.005+08:00

photos photos... and this will be a post on its own

at work when we have nothing to do my desk with the stupid name tag on top

pig at work =)

when we meet up on mon night (i think) cny

in our room before we go bai nianing

cny is here

2009-01-27T20:19:00.005+08:00

chinese new year is finally here... after a long hard wait (?!) of 29+ hours since my last blog post. but i have to say that this year's cny for me is quite uneventful.

first, i didn't drink at all. secondly, i didn't gamble too. so basically i just go to people's houses to eat, sit and daydream. kind of what i do everyday at home, for the exception of the lack of an accessible computer. argh. but that makes a difference. i think the days of eating and slacking have also made me grow tired of my favourite cny snack - pineapple tarts. i never thought that is ever possible. but oh well. as the corniest and tackiest saying in the universe goes 'nothing is impossible'. and i have just realised i'm being really crappy right now.

anyway, so during my freetime, i just took photos of my family and me. but since my handphone usb cable has again failed on me. i shall upload the photos later.

i love and hate the fact that i have to work tmr. love it that i can continue earning money. hate it that... well... it is work!

anyway, the person who comments regularly is my dear friend. and er... people are always welcomed to comment and become my dear friends?!? nah... my friendship is not that cheap. though buyable. haha... that's so not funny. anyway, so comment more lah.

AND, i have also decided to upload at least ONE photo on each post to make my blog more interesting~ haha... right. and the easiest way is just to put pornographic image of anything or anyone.

however since i'm not that biantai... i'm just going to put up photos which meant something to me. like this.

This is part of a handmade book that my dear friends had made for me for my birthday last year ( i think). it's pretty cute and funny... even though i'm depicted as a big alien-looking monster. but anyway, thanks guys... if you see this...

ps: i love you

cny is coming

2009-01-25T14:28:00.006+08:00

chinese new year is about 9.5 hours away and i'm not happy or in the least excited. am i the only one who stopped looking forward to cny already?

all the hustle and bustle, relatives crowding around you and commenting how i have changed, become fatter, or still as fat as ever and what-not. of course they won't say that to my face, maybe they will just whisper to my mum or something. harh, life...

i can totally imagine myself in the future - 32 and still single, avoiding cny like plague by traveling overseas during the period. argh. horrible but highly possible. sadly enough. my only wish will be that i will be rich by then to be able to afford luxurious holiday trips. HAHA.

nah, oh well. i'm not one for marriage and i know it myself since young. i think i may be the only woman who has never fantasized anything about weddings, princes and falling-in-love plots during my childhood. haha. and i'm proud of that.

and i'm being random and digressing as usual. from cny to marriages. oh my. this is what happens when you get old and keeps on rambling to no one who cares a shit about you. okay, i can feel my angsting coming. i better stop blogging now before it gets worse.

oh yah, i took a couple of cool (again, 'cool' in my warped mind) photos some time ago

work work work

2009-01-23T00:27:00.004+08:00

i started my job at iras recently. the beginning of the first day was damn horrible. i had to pull myself out of my comfort into hell as i got myself ready for work at an unholy hour. when i went to the revenue house to report, my name was missing from the fking paper. i was damn sian and pissed.

after registering, i went into the room, confronted with a fking platue of computers and people. about 60+ people and computers are squeezed into one tiny room. wth. it was overwhelming like shit. i wanted to just walk out and go home.

however, i somehow psychoed myself into calmly walking in (i think) and finding a seat. (i need the fricking income)

more people started coming in. there are only several empty seats left scattered here and there. by the way, i didn't realise how difficult it is to find an empty seat among a bunch of people seated down until now. it's kind of like photohunt. i have to squint my eyes and stuff...

anyway, a miracle happened then. in the shape of my cousin! she was just standing there at the doorway, looking lost and sian too. i had to stop myelf from screaming her name. it wasn't a good thing to do to make a good first impression. i kept staring at her. trying to use my eye power. and it worked! after a minute or so, she turned and saw me too, becoming gleeful.

funny, the first thing i thought was 'heng arh, now i don't have to eat lunch alone anymore...' oh well... surprise surprise... being socially awkward among other things, i can say one of the biggest challenge of accepting any job for me is to find lunch companion.

anyway, so i had someone to talk to and walk with through out this job. hehe. that's great.

dance, dance

2009-01-16T20:43:00.002+08:00

yeah, i started my hiphop lesson this week. and it's horrible. i already knew that i have stiff upper body, but i have no idea it is this fricking stiff. (hello... might as have a wooden plank for spine.)

but anyway, it's just the first lesson in the intro course and i already feel like dying. but my mum said that this is expected - intro lessons to something new are always tougher. i hope things will start better then. and i better start practising at home. if not the lessons will be a waste of my money if i fumble through the lessons (which will not happen. TOUCHWOOD)

another new thing learnt about myself - i do not have a sense of rhythm and beat at all. oh my. what the fking hell is wrong with me.

random but important note: i think the dance instructor is quite good looking. haha. a typical hiphop bboy look i guess, but still goodlooking. and NOT gay. but i think he has too high expectations of us (us meaning mainly me... and other cmi people there. hehe. i'm not the only one.) teaching us those complicated moves when we barely got the previous ones. at a point of time, his looks nearly did not save him from my bashing due to my irritatedness.

oh well. no one is perfect. lets' hope that he will get the point and find some other way to teach us.

and sadly enough, i did not spend much time looking at him - too busy trying to follow the steps. plus my vision was kind of blurring then. hahah... going to die soon. i will try to take a photoshot of him and put it up here. (if you haven't noticed, i only put up photos of anything and anyone but myself)

oh yeah, the title of this post 'dance dance' is actually one of the songs by Fall Out Boy which also rocks and is coming to s'pore to have the concert. the fking concert which i'm sadly going to miss. argh. i hate being poor. =(

so in this coming hols, i'm going to try my best to save up all my earnings. which means no going out. unless for IMPT celebrations, sponsored activities and fun low cost outdoor outings. *hint hint* hahha.

bored III

2009-01-15T21:17:00.001+08:00

lesson learnt today: i can't camwhore to save my life.

so i have an additional goal - to learn camwhoring.

firstly, i should not smile so widely and pls open my eyes. that's all for now?

anyway, i saw this at actioncity... to yv: oh, this is the toy that i have been trying to tell you.

this doll with QUEEN crest printed on it. looks so cool. but i bet it's damn ex and out of my reach. (the collectables... whatever...hmphf) but anyway, i'm damn happy to see this queen toy available... it shows the popularity of QUEEN even in singapore. lightens up my day.

nothing more to be said. super incoherent today. tata~

random

2009-01-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

i feel damn happy now. haha... especially after watching short clips of edna mode (one of my fave from 'the incredibles') and her amusing enunciation of words.

the way she toddles around (because she is short) and her passion in fashion for the superheroes are just entertaining to watch.

my favourite clip of her is still the 'wat are you Talking Ahbout' before she smacked elastigirl awake from her sobbing. notice also how she pronounces 'horrible' as 'ho-bo'.

how cute. and she is one of the reasons that i'm fairly happy today.

however, another sad thing to note - many of the guys are enlisting tmr. i should not even blog about it. but shall miss them. interesting people to talk to on msn and also to play bridge with. haha. rare chance that i actually get sentimental.

but oh well.

and jiayou everyone in everything that they do. like uni apps and so on. =p

it's a new year

2009-01-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

today is the 2nd day of new year, year 2009 and i'm stoning at home.

this may be the only year when i actually wish that there is school while there is none. things don't always turn out the way you want i guess.

i'm hoping i won't get to the point where i will actually list my new year resolutions here because i'm not that confident if i would adhere to them for long.

but i shall reinforce one of them by listing it here (besides hardly anyone reads it anyway).

starting this year, i shall be 'forever happy and sociable' self and interact with anyone whether i care a shit about them. i will also be as fake as possible, especially to the people whom i dislike. this will be practice for my pr skills in the office.

happy 2009 everyone

bored III

2008-12-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

i decided to write another short and happy post as oppose to my previous angst-filled posts below.

i'm going to rush my uni apps now including the essays. hopefully all goes well and i can crap with sophiscation. AND they will ALL accept me.

and i have decided to start looking at things from the bright side =D while stay maintaining my balance of reality and pragmatism. life is too short for only pure angsting and feeling sorry for yourself. so the way to beat it is to STOP feeling sorry for yourself.

as some people say life is like a rape. if you can't escape it, enjoy it.

ok guys, this is my share of gross and sick for today.

omg. this post is so not me. but whatever.

can't be bothered

2008-12-30T11:24:00.000+08:00

i don't know what exactly your intentions are but i just can't be bothered. maybe i'm just trying to test out my limit to see how much more shit i can take.

just because i didn't say anything doesn't mean that i didn't notice or know anything.

so please do me a favour - do whatever you want - just put up a good show (for entertainment value)

i hope that you won't disappoint me.

i hate my mum

2008-12-28T15:32:00.000+08:00

I HATE MY MUM!!! WHAT'S WITH THE CONTROL AND STUPID SHIT!

I'M ALREADY 18 AND NOT THAT DUMB ANYMORE. PLEASE DON'T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE.

I'M TOTALLY LEGAL RIGHT NOW, TO HAVE SEX, DRINK, AND CLUB.

SO PLEASE GIVE ME SOME SPACE TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.

bored

2008-12-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

A recent incident made me realise that most parents are hypocritical to a small extent. (ok maybe not hypocritical. but at least double standard). at least mine is a bit. they tend to act so open-minded about everything like having boyfriends and clubbing etc. but once they suspect that their children are doing it for real, they just clam down on them, setting rules and boundaries for them to adhere to. com'on, don't fake such openmindedness just to appear as model, liberal, accepting parents. don't have different standards when dealing with other people's kids and your own. i understand that it is innate in you to protect your kids from external dangers, but realise too that your kids are mature enough to differentiate right from wrong and to take responsibility for their decisions. let them take the risk and bear the consequence.

today i had a pleasant surprise while checking my sat2 scores. i did not expect myself to perform this time round especially when i had hardly touched the fricking sat2 books (borrowed from my beloved friends). (i think i did quite well... but again, my standards are about 6 feet below everyone else's) i had only done 1 math and 2 physics practice tests in preparation for this sat2.

oh well. shows miracles still happen after all. =)

and today, i had to go home wearing my 4-inch heels and fbt and t-shirt (at the courtesy of beat, thanks again). my feet were aching like hell. i thought i would never survive the trip. BUT i did. hooray for me.

and sina website is having some fking problem again. it can't seem to load. i can't watch my 'friends' for the fifth time in peace. wth.

and my boredom shall continue.

a thing that i hate + back from bangkok

2008-12-22T12:32:00.000+08:00

i realised that i have this particular thing about talking only when you are being talked to or you are starting a conversation unless what you are saying is extremely valuable or even has any entertaining value.

i hate people who do the opposite and it really annoys the hell out of me.

especially the ones who interrupt with some snide, not so funny, suaning or even lame as shit comment which almost always get ignored btw. but still... that's really irritating. almost on par with incessant bullshit talking unless i'm extremely bored or it seems intriguing (again... according to my sick mind)

i don't know about others. but as far as i see, most people don't seem to mind that. maybe it's just me and my weird principles.

but anyway, i just came back from bangkok. quite a fun trip excluding a few mishaps here and there. did quite a bit of shopping and bought clothes that i'm not quite sure if i would wear in s'pore. the food there is alright - spicy and sour - but a tad too salty. the chang beer tastes something alike to heineken (i think).

the thing that i regret the most is not being able to step into the transvestite pub and also to watch the 'thai girl' show. that's another reason to why you should not go fun 'dirty' places with your parents. i made a promise to myself that i will make a trip back there soon to do all the 'fun' stuff.

christmas is coming once more. and hell is coming all over me again. i hate the damn festival (no offense to its huge fans). and if nothing goes wrong, i should be mobing alone at home and lazying around. at the meantime, trying to diet and detox from my bkk trip. grrreat.

have a lousy xmas and a crappy new year everyone! (taken from 'friends')

shitty budget airlines

2008-12-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

i'm damn pissed at the stupid budget airlines with stupid as hell customer services and lame excuses that even set me - sort-of-Lame KING - speechless.

anyway, i realised budget airlines are called budget for a reason in the first place. first of all, they are too poor to own any proper communication devices to 'kindly' inform us of the flight cancellation, causing us to wake up at an unholy hour of 4.30 am to rush to the airport with the luggage and going home again WITH the luggage a few hours later after our bk breakfast (which kind of sucked too).

next, they are also too poor to hire anyone of enough intelligence to come up with a reasonable explanation to mitigate the indignant customers. the servicers also had to fabricate a lie which is a loophole in itself - ' the record says you received a call to inform you of your flight transfer and you said that you understand and will call back again' (something in this sense but not exactly). hello? if my sis had really received the call, wth is she doing waking the whole faamily up at fucking 4.30am to rush to the fking airport to board the fking non existent plane. what BS. please do not insult our intelligence further.

then, they insisted that we write in a letter with stamps and everything ourselves to complain. for god's sake, then why are you here for? to respond to each fking question with 'i don't know'?

all in all, life is fking pissing me off. and if you have enough money, please do not fly on budget airline again.

bored shitless

2008-12-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

for once, i'm blogging more frequently because i'm terribly bored to hell. nothing to do, nowhere to go and no one to talk to.

anyway, so i decide to seriously list down a few things that i must do during this break.

1. learn french

2. learn ice skating

3. learn bowling

4. try shooting

5. learn some ballroom dance (or anything that resembles dancing in my sick mind. judo alike sports is considered as well)

however starting the list is a tedious task. it's diffcult to break out of my routine of sitting around and rotting but it's necessary i suppose.

actually i also wanted to put up photos of my injury from the cycling activity. but it is just kind too gross plus my usb connecting cable is screwed. thus transferring of files is a problem too.

random: just now i visited dictionary.com to check up some word and saw that today's word of the day is Dastard - malicious coward. funny word. maybe due to my limited vocab. but nonetheless you have to admit it does bear close resemblance to Bastard - profanity address of illegitimate child. but i also found other interesting meanings of it.

bastard:

–noun

1.	a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate child.

Slang.

a.	a vicious, despicable, or thoroughly disliked person: Some bastard slashed the tires on my car.

b.	a person, esp. a man: The poor bastard broke his leg.

3.	something irregular, inferior, spurious, or unusual.

4.	bastard culverin.

–adjective

5.	illegitimate in birth.

6.	spurious; not genuine; false: The architecture was bastard Gothic.

7.	of abnormal or irregular shape or size; of unusual make or proportions: bastard quartz; bastard mahogany.

8.	having the appearance of; resembling in some degree: a bastard Michelangelo; bastard emeralds.

9.	Printing. (of a character) not of the font in which it is used or found. (taken from dictionary.com)

bloody mary

2008-12-11T21:29:00.000+08:00

Recipe for bLOODY mARY

1 1/2 oz vodka
3 oz tomato juice
1 dash lemon juice
1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
2 - 3 drops Tabasco® sauce
1 lime wedge

Shake all ingredients (except lime wedge) with ice and strain into an old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add the wedge of lime and serve.

seems cool. but the one i had doesn't really taste of tabasco sauce. i would prefer my bloody mary with a stronger hint of that. and i shall make the drink myself for a low cost. that bloody drink costs a bloody $10.30 (i think). wtf.

finally part II

2008-12-11T14:44:00.000+08:00

again another one month or more of neglect, i decide to blog again. lets hope that this occurence will stay monthly if not more frequent. but anyway, i decided to blog about my first clubbing/pubbing experience at a very legal age of 18 (yeah, it's late i know)

i went with my friend to somewhere at clark quay. but actually i don't even remember any names of the places that i went to except 'crazy elephant'. it's an interesting pub worth going-flashes of dirty jokes keep going on in the pub. and people are allowed to vandalise the place; writing messages on the tables to leave their mark.

anyway, let me summarise my first real drinking experience outside (not just any-old-how vodka drink that i made at home). i tried lychee martini which is free on ladies night. it's very typical alcoholic drink with strong lychee taste. but actually i was more interesting in eating the lychee inside than drinking it. then i had bloody mary which tastes funny. but somehow i liked the acquired taste and fell in love at first sight (taste whatever). next i had sex on the beach-another free drink. doesnt taste sexy or hot as the name implies. a very typical ladies drink (sweet and light on alcohol). i think i had some other drinks (or kope from someone) which did not really make an impression.

and next the clubbing-aka the dancing on floor. i have to admit im a bad dancer. if not the worst. my body was stiff and stuff.... (you know the shit) after a while i just can't be bothered and do my own version of dance (which again is shitty). pity my friend. but anyway, it's an experience not to be missed whether you like it.

and i went home at 3 i think, even went online a while and slept. so here i am, tired and unable to think, AND still unable to sleep for some unknown reason.

and my mum is frickingly irritating me today. great.

and loud applause for xj for the experience and financial assistance~

enough typing.

finally...

2008-11-04T21:03:00.000+08:00

i finally decided to update after one month of neglect... not that anyone cares anyway. but today is my second day of my a level exam. totally exhilarating~ (yeah... like hell)

i realised i have reallybad exam habits. for one, i always get distracted by people around me. can't stop looking up at the clock, the people on my right and left. i don't even know what i'm actually looking for. this just waste a lot of my time when i could have checked my work. secondly, i keep having RANDOM THOUGHTS. like thinking 'how cool is it that all the j2s in s'pore are taking math paper right now and probably doing the same question as i am' or er... 'i hope many people are making careless mistakes now' (yeah i'm mean)... haha... just joking btw. i'm probably the one who is making all the mistakes anyway. (TOUCHWOOD)

anyway, today i had my physics paper 3 and math paper 1. hmmm... i'm totally unsure of how well i did for the papers. the whole physics paper was a blur... can't think properly... and dreading the stupid shm qn. wtf is that shit. but anyway, it's called advanced level for a reason. i'm having a free day tmr before the chem paper 3 on thursday. i seriously hope i do well for chem. please PRAY for me.

but anyway, my crapping mood has passed. days have been boring as hell... nothing much to talk about. so see ya... until... some other day maybe?

baking + depress

2008-09-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't blogged for a long time and i can feel that this blog is really going to die soon. well not that anyone cares... but anyway, i really feel that my life sucks.

i'm not going to go on rambling and grumbling and feeling sorry for myself because it's not going to help. but i just cannot help it. i suddenly realised i feel sorry for myself all the time. (what a loser -.-) it's sometimes therapeutic to do so i suppose when you feel the WORLD has let you down or life is especially unfair to you (but sorry... that's never what actually happened). you know it yourself that this is not the way to cope with your depression but you keep getting stuck in this state. there's a big gap between knowing something and actually doing it. but anyway life has to go on. so what if the world crashes down on you.

so yesterday i was slightly depressed with my results; feeling i'm the biggest loser in the whole wide world; feeling i'm just going to end up as a road sweeper (no offense to the road sweeping profession)... that early morning i really had the intention to bake something. then i was so overwhelmed with all the negative thoughts that i was afraid that i would fail the baking as well. (when baking is supposed to be my only forte). but later on at night at about 10 pm, i finally got over the "i'm such a loser" phase to the "that's life..." phase and decided to bake again. the more so i must bake because my original plan was to give yvette part i of her birthday present. (sorry yv, i wanted to make some handicraft... but it kind of screwed. since i can use my fingers as well as i can use my toes. so i decided to give you something that will not KILL or BLIND you) thus in the end i baked the easiest thing on earth - brownie in small cups for easier handling.

i kind of changed the recipe here and there. and added quite a bit of booze (kaulua actually). but i don't think anyone noticed. i use partially brown sugar which kind of changed the texture of the brownie into something more chewy. that's good i suppose. and i added this chunk of chocolate in the middle of each cup brownie(?). when the brownie came out of the oven, it looked and smelled great. in fact mouth watering (hehe... of course). after a short while when it had cooled slightly, the brownie short of collapse. (not so pretty anymore). it looked so unpresentable that i couldn't bear to take any photographs of it (nightmare~). but oh well. it looked homemade at least. and it TASTES NICE (i insist)... that's the most important thing.

another random thing... 'Tie Your Mother Down' is damn nice. (a song by queen of course). 'stone cold crazy' rocks too! i'm still trying to get my hands on the tracks though...

okay, enough crap for today. bye~

ps: yv, i'm not sure when i can give if part ii, iii, iv... n of your present though. anyway, any suggestions for the next few parts?

WTF + nails + sumo

2008-09-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

i just read the shittiest and most fucked up thing and the only word (phrase actually) appearing in my head is WHAT THE FUCK. sorry for the excessive vulgarity. well. because i'm not that mean and i am a responsible citizen practising self censorship, i shall not discuss this explicitly. but in general, what the shit is that... com'on. i'm sure just spamming the blog with nonsensical bombastic words and phrases will help boost your ego. (which by the way, totally didn't make any shit sense to me). and the whole world doesn't owe you anything at all. LIFE IS UNFAIR TO EVERYONE.

okay, that sounds very harsh. sorry again for the angst. i realised i always start my blog angstily for some reason. but anyway, today i totally wasted my time.

i planned to run 5 rounds. in the end i completed only 3. what the hell is that. my body is in such a bad condition. after which i tried to study. BUT of course it didn't work out. i got sidetracked and went to kbox to waste my time. (-.-) but i had fun. teehee~

and i'm going to start my nail painting again! hurray! but i seem to stick to only the few colours-navy blue and shimmery stuff. i should try others... hmm.. BY THE WAY, putting on nail polish is NOT bimbotic. it's just a weird habit and hobby of mine as a way to destress. a surreal looking feminine feature to be seen on my all-so-manliness. but i like it. so who cares? anyway, anyone who needs help on nail painting can ask me!!! with some small charge... wahahaha.

so hz i better not see you putting on nail varnish forever, not even for prom since it's too bimbotic for your liking.

one last thing. my family dog Sumo (aka momo) has this new haircut that looks quite screwed on him. he looks damn amusing now. but he doesn't care anyway. as long as his burden of thick fur is gone and he can jump freely as he likes. (he is damn clumsy with his thick coat). here are his photos.

the hairdresser (?) deliberately left the fur on his ears out (for some unknown reason) and kind of shaved the rest of the fur. he looks like a failed attempt by an old dog trying to act girly. haha...

sumo is undeniably a darling to everyone even the dog haters. okay i have to admit i don't really like him in the past. so i'm not that close to him. but now that i have more time (?) and started playing with him more often, i think he's starting to be more responsive to my calls (i think). sumo is really mild-tempered. you can play with him anytime even when he's eating. (unlike other dogs whom i heard can get very aggressive during mealtimes) he can be quite sweet sometimes and sensitive to our emotions. (as can be seen from the incident when he ate the offerings on the altar on the floor and went scrambling off into his cage to hide when my mum shrieked at the mess... but unfortunately his hideout didn't work and he still got beaten by my mum)

enough crapping for today... toodles~

ps: i shall upload more photos of him later

random 2

2008-09-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

hello hello... it's 1am and i'm blogging. great. so forgive me for the bad grammar or whatever. i want to thank yvette for being the only one who actually comments on my posts... thanks lots... i will comment on yours later i promise.

i'm just beginning to continue preparing for my sats after a long break with the prelims shit when i realised i have already forgotten majority of the vocab i have memorised before the term break. fricking fantabulous i tell you. i might as well not study at all. so now i have to start from scratch and mug the words. and i will also try to use them in my blogs to practise and INTERNALISE. -.- what a dork am i.

i have a long marking break until friday and i have not done a single thing. i'm also not planning to go out at all. just going to stay home and er... brood over the shit i have to do when the break ends. yah, i know... i'm such a hermit and crotchety. argh. i suddenly have a revelation that i lived a lifestyle of a geek-just stay at home and stick to the com all day long. unfortunately, i'm not smart. so here i am-an unsmart geek. how pathetic is that.

but anyway, back to my sats. i totally hate this fking crap. if not for the hopes of going overseas, i wouldn't even have bothered. and mostly likely my hopes are not going to be fulfilled judging by my progress now. i can't afford to flunk this again. another diatribe from my mum is going to kill me before i even finish my a-levels.

i'm determined to survive this. i must. i have not even started my journey yet. this is just the prep and packing for it. i will soar through it with high scores (i hope). but not without QUEEN and Friends.

yah. Friends. that's another one of my craze. it's the best sitcom i have ever watched and nothing beats it. with adorably sweet characters like joey and phoebe, it is simply irresistible and addictive. even though joey is as dumb as a jock, he can be so sweet and loyal to his friends. phoebe with her funny quirks and valuably(?) rare values. not to forget chandler BING with his dysfunctional family and insecurities which he managed with (bad) humour. i love the show sooo much.

one of the my favourite episodes is the one when joey tries to speak french. hahaha... that's really funny no matter how many times i have watched it. the unagi excerpt is also one of the classics.

i'm so sad when the show stopped. after 10 years. quite touching actually. i'm still waiting for channel 5 to repeat the series again. but i have this bad feeling it's not going to happen. why oh why. i regret not appreciating the show when it is shown on channel 5 about 8 years ago? but i was so young then and my proficiency in english was terrible. i remembered i tried watching it, since my sisters do, but all i can understand is the background laughter that's all. i did not understand what the heck they are talking about and what's so funny about it. i also have a vague impression of myself following the background laughter-laugh whenever i hear laughter-to dissimulate i was enjoying the show. how uncool was i. sheeesh.

but Friends is still very enjoyable and insuperable. please show it on tv again. have a Friends festival or something. as opposed to the ordinary but still classical French week or something on maybe arts central? maybe i should put up funny clips of friends next time.

ok. tata~ i shall commen on yv's blog now.

my fave

2008-09-19T20:22:00.001+08:00

yayyy... i feel much happier today. no laments anymore~so i decide to talk about the things that i like, people actually... so this is my list:

1. Freddie Mercury

yep... the number ONE on my list is no other than Freddie Mercury! he has the most amazing vocal that simply mesmerised everyone and do the lovely written song lyrics justice.

he also possessed the x-factor required to be a rock star and send everyone soaring high in the QUEEN concert. Not to forget, he's gay! (ok, i'm not really a gay hag but it is an interesting and intriguing factor) although he is gone, he shall always live in our hearts forever, the legendary irreplaceable FM from QUEEN.

2. QUEEN

my second fave is the greatest rock band QUEEN!!! Without Brian May (with his signature curly hair and amazing guitar playing), Roger Taylor (his simply rock blasting drum skills), John Deacon (his cute and quiet posture in contrast) and of course my god Freddie Mercury, the rock history will not be the same. QUEEN is simply the epitome and apogee of ROCK band and music who have influenced many other great singers and bands after them.

ALL HAIL QUEEN!!!

3. Jean Reno

okay, i do not really keep pictures of him. but i think he's one of the most charming middle aged actor. i started noticing him when i watched the movie Wasabi, a french and japanese collaboration, in my school camp. the film is great, you guys (if anyone even reads this) should really watch it.

Wasabi is about this agent (jean reno of course) who lives a bland workaholic life without feelings or love when he discovered that his ex-lover (who once left him) has a daughter whom might be his. Because of his ex-lover's death, he is forced to take custody of the daughter until she reached the age of 18 which is in a few weeks' time. the sudden unexpected appearance of the daughter wrecked his life with random tantrum spites and shopping sprees. the focus of this film is more on the father-daughter relationship and the complex story behind his ex-lover with snitches of jokes and comical acts. it also has a blend of japanese and french dialogues. jean reno's french is simply wowww... (of course, he's french)... i can just kiss him.

i realised he also acted in many other movies, mostly detective or assassin, like Nikita. it's a great movie too although i think the ending is kind of unpleasant if i remember correctly.

4. Oded Fehr

Oded Fehr is this Arabic actor who acted in the movie Resident evil 1, 2 and 3 (i think) and also The Mummy. he has this exotic manly that is simply.... i think he's pretty hot too. too bad he's married. but anyway, he can't seem to make big in movies, i have no idea why with his kind of looks...

i'm still unhappy with the ending of resident evil 3. he died!!! com'on. how can that happen. so i'm hoping for a 4th movie to happen. but chances are it is not going to happen. AHHHHHHHH...

5. Leah Dizon

i find her really hot. she is asian-french mixed. her vocals are okay i guess... she looks very pretty and sexy in the mv

wheeeee

2008-09-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

WHEEEEE~ finally... the end of prelims and 7 days of break. at last i have reached the penultimate pit stop. because of this long break, i will probably blog at least once everyday i guess. surprisingly i didn't really feel happy after the last paper. perhaps due to the fact that i never really study for this prelims or rather i feel.

i feel lost now. no idea of how i'm going to spend my week break. perhaps just eat and sleep? i suddenly feel that my life is very bleak, i have no aim, no goal, no meaningful hobby...

the irony is that i'm supposed to feel happy today, emancipated even, but right now, i feel hopeless and have little confidence in man. men and women. what's with all the different masks that people are putting on for all different occasions. for one, even though i have not really stepped into the working world yet, i know that it is necessary in the real world. for people to adapt in their different environment and protect themselves as well. but sometimes these facades may hurt people around you, those who care and even those you want to protect.

Next thing-feelings and relationship matters. is human attachment really that fragile? emotional ties that cannot even withstand the threat of intruders and infactuation which led people who were once deeply in love astray. if that's the case, what's the point of even starting it in the first place. what's the point of beginning something which you expect so much from and end up with only disappointment and heartache. what's the meaning of marriage? just responsibility and burden to remind people of their commitment to this relationship? an excuse of wasting money by spending it on glamourous weddings and also the divorce procedures? what's the point after all?

ok, enough whining... i shall blog again when i'm in a better mood.

my blog title

2008-09-18T18:04:00.000+08:00

wait wait... i know i said i will stop this shit but there is really something quintessential to talk about. anyone wondered wth is wrong with the blog title? for the non-QUEEN fans (although i do not know how these people even exist in the first place... no offense), 'let me out of this cheap B movie' is part of the lyrics for Headlong, one of the QUEEN top hits.

and yep. i'm a Proud Fan of QUEEN-the greatest rock band ever in my opinion. i should decorate my blog with the QUEEN stuff. hmmm... do not have any idea for now but the queen crest is a MUST. ok. hopefully i can get it up.

lastly, QUEEN FTW! (ROCK YOU)

my 1st random

2008-09-18T17:33:00.000+08:00

this is my first post after a year or so of stagnant blogging period and also abandonment (after i have flicked my last blog account to oblivion.) doesn't sound correct but whatever. i have to admit the moment i start typing, this strong sense of regret (wth did i get myself into) started pouring over me. why.... wh-why... as i quote chandler. i have to admit signing for a new account is a total rash act that i obviously forgot to think through. tempted to suddenly blog after reading yvette's blog.

the weird things that you suddenly want to do when you are trying to find excuse to aviod the things that you hate. in my case. STUDY. even though it's the last paper... i mean last TWO papers, i still do not feel any joy or anticipation at all. great.

sorry for the random ramble and poor language. i'm bad at expressing myself. which is the more why i should not blog. but oh welll.... i will try to perservere and continue this journey... (to where i wonder) and i'm really trying my very best to control my typing and language to prevent teensy language (like dun, din, wan etc. oh crap...) from appearing here... AND also the dots as i have just noticed. oh dear.

even though i will try to use proper language, i cannot guarantee the absence of profanities (wait, i have already used 'wth') but oh well... life... no offense but i can't imagine my life (or even the world) without vulgarities. it's too oppressive. what will happen to freedom of speech and expression? wait, is it even there in the first place?

i will stop crapping and start doing stuff i guess... hmmm... another thing. is it weird that the most interesting ting that happened these few days is my nosebleeds? (oh, how meaningful has my life become) ok i think it is weird. my mum is damn worried that i may have nasal cancer even though this happens to me all the time. even more often than menstrual cycle.

okay okay. i will really stop now.

1.	Shane	524 up, 101 down
	A word derived from a Greek "San" one of three of the modern day symbols considered obsolete in the Greek language. The name was given to the children of those who were considered "criminally genius". Also considered to be one of the few names that can effect the owner's personality over their lifetime in a aesthetically pleasing but deeply malicious way. Perceived by the Romans to be the only name "combining good and evil to create balance and perfection." "Shane... it flows off the tongue like silk." "When you scream "Shane!" it vibrates your body right down the middle... wow try it." shane shaner shanes houdini mantastic by Shizzle M. Jan 19, 2007 share this
2.	Shane	283 up, 87 down
	another term for "sexy beast" Omg, I can't breathe! I think a shane just walked by. sexy beast term for another by NiniComiPoopi Jul 24, 2008 share this
3.	Shane	254 up, 91 down
	An English derivitive of the irish name sean, which is an Irish form of John meaning "God's gracious gift." Shane is a very popular variant of the name Sean in Northern Ireland in memory of Shane O'Neill whose forces won notable victories over the armies of Queen Elizabeth 1st in the sixteenth century. his name is Shane Shane is God's gracious gift shane sean shame shaun seamus by sod1234 Aug 25, 2007 share this