Sunday, July 5, 2009

hypocrite much?

i have this hidden fear and worry all along: i may be turning into what i hate the most - a hypocrite

i try my best to stick to my principles (erm. can't name them right now. but i THINK i have a few. mostly weird ones). but as i grow older, i realise things are not always that simple. the difference in a small factor can tweak the situation 180 degress around.

haha. i mean i don't even know if i mean half the things that i say these days. i know that i'm cold and heartless compared to many youngsters around me. it's true. i tend to be nonchalant towards many things. and i care very little. there is conflict between showing what i actually feel towards and acting to show sympathy blah blah - the emotions that normal people should have.

for instance, unfortunate plight of people. i don't sympathise with everyone in bad situations. i can't be bothered to and it's just outside my limits. it will actually have to depend on whether i feel it's a 'you asked for it' or 'life really sucks' kind of situation.

i mean if i don't really feel bad for that particular person, how am i suppose to react? saying "that's sad" in a totally 'i heck care' kind of tone? i don't even bother to act half the time, only in times when i feel it's better and more diplomatic to show some humane emotions and response. to become this caring persona that's totally not me.

as i'm reading what i'm writing now, i realise i'm really sort of a hypocritical bitch. argh. and this is one of the reasons why i hate myself.

life...

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