QUUEEENN!!!

BRIAN MAY & ROGER TAYLOR ARE ON AMERICAN IDOL!!! 

OMG... Life rocks for me now...oficially...

and i'm on the HIGH...

WAHAHAHHA...

and today's episode is the first AI ep that i have watched since 47937512574389 days ago.

i'm so glad i didn't miss the s'pore telecast because i get to watch the clear version of their performance.

and i haven't been so thankful for the invention of tv.

okay, still on ecstacy... WHEEEE

university... brrrh...

sorry for the long delay. and no, my life hasn't been hectic or whatsoever. just that i have been trying to live in my own little world where no exams, competition, and reality exist. and now it's time for the verdict - it's high time for me to work hard and put my best into my studies.

it is easy to talk about it now when i haven't touched anything intellectual for half a year, or even longer since i didn't study much for alvls. and serve me right... oh wells.

but anyway, i have made my decision and it's kind of final (i think) - i'm going to ntu environmental engineering.

and right now, i haven't found anyone else who is also going. actually, i can barely find anyone who is going to ntu. what's wrong with the world, or rather, what's wrong with the young adults in s'pore. why is everybody going to nus. grrr. life sucks. Big time.

i'm having panic attacks here and there, every now and then. about the orientation, making new friends (which is impt since i barely have any existing ones in ntu), making accommodation arrangements (like finding a room mate. argh), buying laptop, buying new hp and mp3, blah blah... it's like sec 1 all over again. oh dear. since i'm in the IP and never really had the pressure to make new friends in jc because i see my whole cohort again there. i have already forgotten the rules and basic etiquette of meeting new people and making new friends.

and right now, as i'm trying to blog coherently here. a new fear just *popped out*.

my english language is going to suffer a horrible death during the uni years. oh no. it took me six years to push my eng to the standard today (which is still kind of low actually), and the next four years will just push it slowly over the edge of the cliff before it plunged into its death finally in the end.

the abovementioned illustration is literally what i can imagine now. argh. slow and painfully frightening.

anyway, back to my original fears of the uni year as a freshman. i hate making new friends. argh. and having a low level of eq, i think i will pretty much piss everyone off on my first day. trying to make new friends also means that i can't be my bitchy self for quite a long time - not goot. i have to make friends with the seniors so that i can have a reliable and constant source of uni information and gossip, meaning i'd probably have to suck up to them - that's even worse.

next, my hostel room mate. i can't find any - that's bad enough. my friends and sis keep telling me horrible stories of disgusting room mates who make the hostel stay Hell - that's cherry on top of the icing. oh noooo...

but anyway, my sis also told me stories about how people (teekos) peeped in the girls' showerroom. haha... that kind of amused me actually. i seriously pity anyone who chose to peep on me. they will get the biggest trauma of their life. and maybe also get their one and only rustic castration surgery by an engineering undergrad in their whole life.

oh wells. life, again... i guess i will just have to take the things as they come then. and STOP WORRYING. ok. now the photos for the week:

SUMO!

our little leggish puzzle

my Mothers' Day present!

to my puff-love mum:

(actually the puffs are supposed to form a ring which gives its name - paris brest)

urbandictionary

i found a really fun and interesting activity to do when you are:

1) bored as hell (though i don't know if hell is boring, don't want to either)

2) sad

3) lame

4) the biggest loser in the entire world

5) angry

the activity is to search for your name or your foe's name in urbandictionary.com.

haha. it's really funny how people will add their own definitions of certain names.

For example, when i search for shane:

1.	Shane	524 up, 101 down
	A word derived from a Greek "San" one of three of the modern day symbols considered obsolete in the Greek language. The name was given to the children of those who were considered "criminally genius". Also considered to be one of the few names that can effect the owner's personality over their lifetime in a aesthetically pleasing but deeply malicious way. Perceived by the Romans to be the only name "combining good and evil to create balance and perfection." "Shane... it flows off the tongue like silk."  "When you scream "Shane!" it vibrates your body right down the middle... wow try it." shane shaner shanes houdini mantastic  by Shizzle M. Jan 19, 2007 share this
2.	Shane	283 up, 87 down
	another term for "sexy beast" Omg, I can't breathe! I think a shane just walked by. sexy beast term for another  by NiniComiPoopi Jul 24, 2008 share this
3.	Shane	254 up, 91 down
	An English derivitive of the irish name sean, which is an Irish form of John meaning "God's gracious gift."  Shane is a very popular variant of the name Sean in Northern Ireland in memory of Shane O'Neill whose forces won notable victories over the armies of Queen Elizabeth 1st in the sixteenth century. his name is Shane  Shane is God's gracious gift shane sean shame shaun seamus  by sod1234 Aug 25, 2007 share this

this comes up. the first definition is still acceptable as i remember reading something like that on the webpage for babies' names. (haha... like hell yeah, why will i be doing that... what a loser. yup, that's who i am)

the second definition is funny. a sex beast huh? wth. hahha. as flattering as that can be for me, it makes me wonder what kind of person can NiniComiPoopi be:

1) surprise surprise, his real name is actually shane too (some loser trying to boost his ego by defining himself as that on urbandictionary? not so cool anymore...)

2) she/he is crazy and obsessed about someone named shane (yeah, like who wouldn't be?) 

these two main possibilities i guess. and the even more interesting part, notice the 283 thumbs up and the 87 thumbs down? start thinking about how did the numbers even escalate in the first place then.

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to insult anyone by insinuating what a bunch of losers these people are. i'm just saying it's a good activity to do when you need laugh gags or outlet for your anger. i'm not judging at all.

haha... so everyone should start searching and maybe even start adding new meanings to their own or other people's (such as the bitches around you) names as well. before i forgot to mention, no use searching for your chinese names because they probably aren't even defined yet. the good thing, though, is you can be the first to do it.

to yvette: i'm glad that this cheers you up. get well soon. 

ps: interesting names to search for - yvette, lawrence (no offence)

photos for next week then:

the flying ... 

reminds me of 'graveyard of the fireflies' 

interesting...

taking up new activities and ending others

life has been pretty boring and mundane as usual. work has been a bitch with the supervisor's steel eyes on me every now and then; with me finding every chance to slack and steal more time for lunch; with me going to work approx 15 mins late everyday and trying to sneak in surrepticiously (?) into the office through the back door so that *she* won't notice.

haha... fun... i wouldn't be too surprised if i'm sacked someday... happy even. but, oh wait, they still need us to do the sk* in the understaffed department.

anyway, i recently started a new activity - learning taekwondo from scratch. haha. it's pretty fun actually. although i kind of wish that the training could be more strenous. learning taekwondo amongst numerous small little kids with 'weird' thinking is simply interesting, kind of nostalgic as i return to my childhood social circle of 'ren xiao gui da's 

but right now i can't really understand their thinking and their concept of funny. is that something to be happy about because i'm maturing or sad because i'm losing my innocence and naivety. but i think i know why there are generation gap and misunderstood kids who think adults are too stupid and snobbish to understand them.

i'm starting from white belt... which is simply... a hard feeling to describe. as i watch late teenagers my age being assistant teachers and giving the class, including me, instructions to follow. since the class was filled majority with young kids, i can't help but feel insulted when i was being talked to like a child as the assis tchers my age instruct the class. but what's one to do. i was the one who decided to take up twd at such a late age.

oh yah, my intro class to french to going to end soon, with a test next week to end off the course with a boom. and my french is still very canto. cute...

i'm also trying to push myself to bake... before i move into the new house with the teeny weeny kitchen which probably could not even fit in an oven. argh.

anyway, photos for the week(s):

Breaking dawn looks extremely pretty with the moon and star sparkling opposite the sun.

Making my strawberry swissroll

ok i will leave the others for the following weeks. haha

* ps for those who don't understand my lingo: sk = saikang - shitty work, crap, load of shit

back again without the angst

comment ca va, everyone. i'm back again to haunt.... but without the angst. surprise surprise.

the whole issue with my mum is subdued to sleep. well. she IS my mum. what can i do. just live with it man. i owed her years of my well upbringing (i insist). into a much stronger person than other people i supposed. with her favourite line of 'you are on your own'. and leaving me there to die...

haha. but nah... i survived. with the help of my sisters. that's what big sis are for right?

but anyway, in the midst of the quarrelling and chaos and animosity, my life goes on as per normal actually. waking up early to go to work. trying my best not to sleep during work. busy pretending to be busy during work. finding chances to slack during work. and avoid being kana by supervisors during work.

what's more. my supervisors are a bunch of anal bitches. yes. bitches. all of them. but i supposed if i'm in charge of a bunch of childish, irresponsible temp staff, i would be, too, anal and a bitch, probably a bigger one than all of them combined. muahahaha... so i would really pity anyone who is going to come under my claws in the future. (btw, is it me or did my last sentence sound a tad obscene?)

anyway, i have been trying to learn french. and man, that's one hard language to pick up. practically a bitch. and i still can't get rid of my s'porean accent. ahhhhh. my sis is still laughing at my s'porean mixed french when i'm practising it at home. she says it sounds more like cantonese than french. i wonder how is that ever possible but apparently, it is possible for me. what an insult. although i have to agree my french is alot to take. argh. so i have decided to immerse myself in french films to aid in my learning. je suis etudiante le francais afterall... i hope that sounds correct. but oh well. french is a very troublesome language. all the gender and shit. 

btw, why is balle feminine? i mean... it should be masculine right? funny...

and my anglais has deteoriated... badly. my vocab has diminished to that of a small little ant. assuming they do at least think in english. so i'm also forcing myself to read the word of the day from dictionary.com too. 

ah. the sat days. and the reading of vocab list. so nostalgic. and nauseating.

i also would like to apologise for the loose and probably wrong use of french here and there. just trying to learn... regrette. 

anyway, photos of the day and past days:

berating finally stopped

my mother's berating finally stopped. and guess what stopped her - a kind reminder from me that i'm still a human and can happily jump off the building when my limit is reached. haha. how sad is it. that it takes the threat of death of her offspring to finally get a mother to shut her gap.

perhaps partially because i'm not a good daughter... i'm not even close to being a useful member of the society.

then after that she consoled me. haha. and guess what. i could not be bothered. she can just stay her annoying self forever and i would not bat an eyelid. 

and why. i guess after some time you just get numb to her BS. and i therefore blog to remind myself of this moment forever. that i won't care about her. perhaps i will fulfill my duty as a daughter. but only because i have to.

may lightning strike me if god ever see the need to. i don't care.

scarecrow in disguise

alevel results are out. the judgement day has come and i'm going to hell. and staying there forever. in my mother's pov at least. 

i have to admit that i kind of deserve this bad as shit results judging by the amount of effort i have put in. and it has made me feel worthless. undeserving to be still living.

i don't understand my mother at all. she doesnt like it when im depressed. and when im no longer sad, she say all the crappiest things to make me feel even more worthless than an ant or any form of bacteria. i really have this urge to end my life, not because of my bad results, just so to make her life worse than death, living with guilt at every inch of her life.

haha. you may say it's totally not worth it. but to me now, it somehow does.

i really have had enough of her. haha. and my friends say i should open up more to people and stop suppressing everything inside. but from my experience, the more you open up, the weaker and more worthless you feel, especially when the person you open up to is someone like my mother.