baking + depress

i know i haven't blogged for a long time and i can feel that this blog is really going to die soon. well not that anyone cares... but anyway, i really feel that my life sucks.

i'm not going to go on rambling and grumbling and feeling sorry for myself because it's not going to help. but i just cannot help it. i suddenly realised i feel sorry for myself all the time. (what a loser -.-) it's sometimes therapeutic to do so i suppose when you feel the WORLD has let you down or life is especially unfair to you (but sorry... that's never what actually happened). you know it yourself that this is not the way to cope with your depression but you keep getting stuck in this state. there's a big gap between knowing something and actually doing it. but anyway life has to go on. so what if the world crashes down on you.

so yesterday i was slightly depressed with my results; feeling i'm the biggest loser in the whole wide world; feeling i'm just going to end up as a road sweeper (no offense to the road sweeping profession)... that early morning i really had the intention to bake something. then i was so overwhelmed with all the negative thoughts that i was afraid that i would fail the baking as well. (when baking is supposed to be my only forte). but later on at night at about 10 pm, i finally got over the "i'm such a loser" phase to the "that's life..." phase and decided to bake again. the more so i must bake because my original plan was to give yvette part i of her birthday present. (sorry yv, i wanted to make some handicraft... but it kind of screwed. since i can use my fingers as well as i can use my toes. so i decided to give you something that will not KILL or BLIND you) thus in the end i baked the easiest thing on earth - brownie in small cups for easier handling.

i kind of changed the recipe here and there. and added quite a bit of booze (kaulua actually). but i don't think anyone noticed. i use partially brown sugar which kind of changed the texture of the brownie into something more chewy. that's good i suppose. and i added this chunk of chocolate in the middle of each cup brownie(?). when the brownie came out of the oven, it looked and smelled great. in fact mouth watering (hehe... of course). after a short while when it had cooled slightly, the brownie short of collapse. (not so pretty anymore). it looked so unpresentable that i couldn't bear to take any photographs of it (nightmare~). but oh well. it looked homemade at least. and it TASTES NICE (i insist)... that's the most important thing.

another random thing... 'Tie Your Mother Down' is damn nice. (a song by queen of course). 'stone cold crazy' rocks too! i'm still trying to get my hands on the tracks though...

okay, enough crap for today. bye~

ps: yv, i'm not sure when i can give if part ii, iii, iv... n of your present though. anyway, any suggestions for the next few parts?

WTF + nails + sumo

i just read the shittiest and most fucked up thing and the only word (phrase actually) appearing in my head is WHAT THE FUCK. sorry for the excessive vulgarity. well. because i'm not that mean and i am a responsible citizen practising self censorship, i shall not discuss this explicitly. but in general, what the shit is that... com'on. i'm sure just spamming the blog with nonsensical bombastic words and phrases will help boost your ego. (which by the way, totally didn't make any shit sense to me). and the whole world doesn't owe you anything at all. LIFE IS UNFAIR TO EVERYONE.

okay, that sounds very harsh. sorry again for the angst. i realised i always start my blog angstily for some reason. but anyway, today i totally wasted my time.

i planned to run 5 rounds. in the end i completed only 3. what the hell is that. my body is in such a bad condition. after which i tried to study. BUT of course it didn't work out. i got sidetracked and went to kbox to waste my time. (-.-) but i had fun. teehee~

and i'm going to start my nail painting again! hurray! but i seem to stick to only the few colours-navy blue and shimmery stuff. i should try others... hmm.. BY THE WAY, putting on nail polish is NOT bimbotic. it's just a weird habit and hobby of mine as a way to destress. a surreal looking feminine feature to be seen on my all-so-manliness. but i like it. so who cares? anyway, anyone who needs help on nail painting can ask me!!! with some small charge... wahahaha.

so hz i better not see you putting on nail varnish forever, not even for prom since it's too bimbotic for your liking.

one last thing. my family dog Sumo (aka momo) has this new haircut that looks quite screwed on him. he looks damn amusing now. but he doesn't care anyway. as long as his burden of thick fur is gone and he can jump freely as he likes. (he is damn clumsy with his thick coat). here are his photos.

the hairdresser (?) deliberately left the fur on his ears out (for some unknown reason) and kind of shaved the rest of the fur. he looks like a failed attempt by an old dog trying to act girly. haha...

sumo is undeniably a darling to everyone even the dog haters. okay i have to admit i don't really like him in the past. so i'm not that close to him. but now that i have more time (?) and started playing with him more often, i think he's starting to be more responsive to my calls (i think). sumo is really mild-tempered. you can play with him anytime even when he's eating. (unlike other dogs whom i heard can get very aggressive during mealtimes) he can be quite sweet sometimes and sensitive to our emotions. (as can be seen from the incident when he ate the offerings on the altar on the floor and went scrambling off into his cage to hide when my mum shrieked at the mess... but unfortunately his hideout didn't work and he still got beaten by my mum)

enough crapping for today... toodles~

ps: i shall upload more photos of him later

random 2

hello hello... it's 1am and i'm blogging. great. so forgive me for the bad grammar or whatever. i want to thank yvette for being the only one who actually comments on my posts... thanks lots... i will comment on yours later i promise.

i'm just beginning to continue preparing for my sats after a long break with the prelims shit when i realised i have already forgotten majority of the vocab i have memorised before the term break. fricking fantabulous i tell you. i might as well not study at all. so now i have to start from scratch and mug the words. and i will also try to use them in my blogs to practise and INTERNALISE. -.- what a dork am i.

i have a long marking break until friday and i have not done a single thing. i'm also not planning to go out at all. just going to stay home and er... brood over the shit i have to do when the break ends. yah, i know... i'm such a hermit and crotchety. argh. i suddenly have a revelation that i lived a lifestyle of a geek-just stay at home and stick to the com all day long. unfortunately, i'm not smart. so here i am-an unsmart geek. how pathetic is that.

but anyway, back to my sats. i totally hate this fking crap. if not for the hopes of going overseas, i wouldn't even have bothered. and mostly likely my hopes are not going to be fulfilled judging by my progress now. i can't afford to flunk this again. another diatribe from my mum is going to kill me before i even finish my a-levels.

i'm determined to survive this. i must. i have not even started my journey yet. this is just the prep and packing for it. i will soar through it with high scores (i hope). but not without QUEEN and Friends.

yah. Friends. that's another one of my craze. it's the best sitcom i have ever watched and nothing beats it. with adorably sweet characters like joey and phoebe, it is simply irresistible and addictive. even though joey is as dumb as a jock, he can be so sweet and loyal to his friends. phoebe with her funny quirks and valuably(?) rare values. not to forget chandler BING with his dysfunctional family and insecurities which he managed with (bad) humour. i love the show sooo much.

one of the my favourite episodes is the one when joey tries to speak french. hahaha... that's really funny no matter how many times i have watched it. the unagi excerpt is also one of the classics.

i'm so sad when the show stopped. after 10 years. quite touching actually. i'm still waiting for channel 5 to repeat the series again. but i have this bad feeling it's not going to happen. why oh why. i regret not appreciating the show when it is shown on channel 5 about 8 years ago? but i was so young then and my proficiency in english was terrible. i remembered i tried watching it, since my sisters do, but all i can understand is the background laughter that's all. i did not understand what the heck they are talking about and what's so funny about it. i also have a vague impression of myself following the background laughter-laugh whenever i hear laughter-to dissimulate i was enjoying the show. how uncool was i. sheeesh.

but Friends is still very enjoyable and insuperable. please show it on tv again. have a Friends festival or something. as opposed to the ordinary but still classical French week or something on maybe arts central? maybe i should put up funny clips of friends next time.

ok. tata~ i shall commen on yv's blog now.

my fave

yayyy... i feel much happier today. no laments anymore~so i decide to talk about the things that i like, people actually... so this is my list:

1. Freddie Mercury

yep... the number ONE on my list is no other than Freddie Mercury! he has the most amazing vocal that simply mesmerised everyone and do the lovely written song lyrics justice.


he also possessed the x-factor required to be a rock star and send everyone soaring high in the QUEEN concert. Not to forget, he's gay! (ok, i'm not really a gay hag but it is an interesting and intriguing factor) although he is gone, he shall always live in our hearts forever, the legendary irreplaceable FM from QUEEN.

2. QUEEN





















my second fave is the greatest rock band QUEEN!!! Without Brian May (with his signature curly hair and amazing guitar playing), Roger Taylor (his simply rock blasting drum skills), John Deacon (his cute and quiet posture in contrast) and of course my god Freddie Mercury, the rock history will not be the same. QUEEN is simply the epitome and apogee of ROCK band and music who have influenced many other great singers and bands after them.


ALL HAIL QUEEN!!!


3. Jean Reno

okay, i do not really keep pictures of him. but i think he's one of the most charming middle aged actor. i started noticing him when i watched the movie Wasabi, a french and japanese collaboration, in my school camp. the film is great, you guys (if anyone even reads this) should really watch it.


Wasabi is about this agent (jean reno of course) who lives a bland workaholic life without feelings or love when he discovered that his ex-lover (who once left him) has a daughter whom might be his. Because of his ex-lover's death, he is forced to take custody of the daughter until she reached the age of 18 which is in a few weeks' time. the sudden unexpected appearance of the daughter wrecked his life with random tantrum spites and shopping sprees. the focus of this film is more on the father-daughter relationship and the complex story behind his ex-lover with snitches of jokes and comical acts. it also has a blend of japanese and french dialogues. jean reno's french is simply wowww... (of course, he's french)... i can just kiss him.


i realised he also acted in many other movies, mostly detective or assassin, like Nikita. it's a great movie too although i think the ending is kind of unpleasant if i remember correctly.


4. Oded Fehr




















Oded Fehr is this Arabic actor who acted in the movie Resident evil 1, 2 and 3 (i think) and also The Mummy. he has this exotic manly that is simply.... i think he's pretty hot too. too bad he's married. but anyway, he can't seem to make big in movies, i have no idea why with his kind of looks...


i'm still unhappy with the ending of resident evil 3. he died!!! com'on. how can that happen. so i'm hoping for a 4th movie to happen. but chances are it is not going to happen. AHHHHHHHH...

5. Leah Dizon

i find her really hot. she is asian-french mixed. her vocals are okay i guess... she looks very pretty and sexy in the mv

wheeeee

WHEEEEE~ finally... the end of prelims and 7 days of break. at last i have reached the penultimate pit stop. because of this long break, i will probably blog at least once everyday i guess. surprisingly i didn't really feel happy after the last paper. perhaps due to the fact that i never really study for this prelims or rather i feel. 

i feel lost now. no idea of how i'm going to spend my week break. perhaps just eat and sleep? i suddenly feel that my life is very bleak, i have no aim, no goal, no meaningful hobby...

the irony is that i'm supposed to feel happy today, emancipated even, but right now, i feel hopeless and have little confidence in man. men and women. what's with all the different masks that people are putting on for all different occasions. for one, even though i have not really stepped into the working world yet, i know that it is necessary in the real world. for people to adapt in their different environment and protect themselves as well. but sometimes these facades may  hurt people around you, those who care and even those you want to protect. 

Next thing-feelings and relationship matters. is human attachment really that fragile? emotional ties that cannot even withstand the threat of intruders and infactuation which led people who were once deeply in love astray. if that's the case, what's the point of even starting it in the first place. what's the point of beginning something which you expect so much from and end up with only disappointment and heartache. what's the meaning of marriage? just responsibility and burden to remind people of their commitment to this relationship? an excuse of wasting money by spending it on glamourous weddings and also the divorce procedures? what's the point after all?

ok, enough whining... i shall blog again when i'm in a better mood. 

my blog title

wait wait... i know i said i will stop this shit but there is really something quintessential to talk about. anyone wondered wth is wrong with the blog title? for the non-QUEEN fans (although i do not know how these people even exist in the first place... no offense), 'let me out of this cheap B movie' is part of the lyrics for Headlong, one of the QUEEN top hits.

and yep. i'm a Proud Fan of QUEEN-the greatest rock band ever in my opinion. i should decorate my blog with the QUEEN stuff. hmmm... do not have any idea for now but the queen crest is a MUST. ok. hopefully i can get it up.

lastly, QUEEN FTW! (ROCK YOU)

my 1st random

this is my first post after a year or so of stagnant blogging period and also abandonment (after i have flicked my last blog account to oblivion.) doesn't sound correct but whatever. i have to admit the moment i start typing, this strong sense of regret (wth did i get myself into) started pouring over me. why.... wh-why... as i quote chandler. i have to admit signing for a new account is a total rash act that i obviously forgot to think through. tempted to suddenly blog after reading yvette's blog.

the weird things that you suddenly want to do when you are trying to find excuse to aviod the things that you hate. in my case. STUDY. even though it's the last paper... i mean last TWO papers, i still do not feel any joy or anticipation at all. great.

sorry for the random ramble and poor language. i'm bad at expressing myself. which is the more why i should not blog. but oh welll.... i will try to perservere and continue this journey... (to where i wonder) and i'm really trying my very best to control my typing and language to prevent teensy language (like dun, din, wan etc. oh crap...) from appearing here... AND also the dots as i have just noticed. oh dear.

even though i will try to use proper language, i cannot guarantee the absence of profanities (wait, i have already used 'wth') but oh well... life... no offense but i can't imagine my life (or even the world) without vulgarities. it's too oppressive. what will happen to freedom of speech and expression? wait, is it even there in the first place?

i will stop crapping and start doing stuff i guess... hmmm... another thing. is it weird that the most interesting ting that happened these few days is my nosebleeds? (oh, how meaningful has my life become) ok i think it is weird. my mum is damn worried that i may have nasal cancer even though this happens to me all the time. even more often than menstrual cycle.

okay okay. i will really stop now.